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A Letter to My Mom

Dear mom,

I would like to say thank you. Thank you for giving birth to me 23 years ago. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I know it hasn't been easy. I know I'm not always easy to talk to but I try my best to listen. Thank you, especially for the last ten years. I know traveling back and forth from China to America has taken a toll on you but you still travel because you know I need you. But mom, there's been something I want to talk to you about for a long time. I never have the heart or the courage to tell you what's on my mind so I figured I could pour my heart out on here.

Growing up, I have always been the child to hide my feelings. I have always gone with whatever you wanted me to do. I went to ballet class because you didn't get the chance to dance when you were growing up. I learned how to play a little piano because you wanted me to learn. I am who I am today because of you. But mom, I have changed.

When you dropped me off at Oak Hill Academy ten years ago, I was very upset. I didn't know if I could do it on my own but I did. I learned how to do my own laundry. I learned how to take care of myself. I learned how to live on my own at the age of 13. I became so independent and I think that scared you. A part of you felt like I no longer need you so you held onto me even tighter. In the last ten years, I need you less every year. I stopped telling you everything because I know you wouldn't approve. Let's be honest, you still don't approve of me getting my ears pierced. But mom, everything has changed.

I am no longer the little girl who hides my feelings. I am no longer the little girl who is afraid to try new things. I am now someone who knows what I want and how to get it. I now have a dream. That dream might not come easy and I might fail many times but I want to try. I want to start putting myself and my happiness first. I will still try my best to please you but I no longer want to live the life you want me to live. I want to travel to every country and every little town and capture their lives. I want to be able to say I tried everything in my power before giving up. I know you hate to see me fail so you want me to take the easy path. But mom, I am not a little girl anymore. I am a big girl now. I have to start doing big girl things. I promise I will make you proud so just give me a chance, please. I love you mom. I always have and I always will.


Xinyi He


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